http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2011/10/steve-jobs-and-adoption-a-stronger-force.html
We watched the “60 Minutes” piece on Walter Isaacson’s Steve Jobs biography last night. In the kitchen with me were my twelve-year-old biological son, Harry, and my three-year-old adopted daughter, Rose, whom I wrote about here. I had hoped that my son might pick up some insights into the process of design and invention, but it turned out that the most interesting part of the show was not about technology but about adoption.
When correspondent Steve Kroft explained how Jobs, who was given up for adoption as an infant, had tracked down his biological mother, Joanne Simpson, and learned that he had a sister, the novelist Mona Simpson—which sort of complicates questions of nature and nurture, in that they were both distinguished but in such different fields—my son said, “It’s like ‘Star Wars.’”
Jobs also found out who his biological father was, a Syrian-American named Abdulfattah Jandali. It turned out that, years before, Jandali had run a restaurant in Silicon Valley where Jobs had occasionally eaten; he remembered Jobs to be good tipper. The two men had met and shaken hands, without knowing that they were father and son.
“That’s like ‘Star Wars,’ too,” I said.
“Sort of,” Harry said. No light sabres were crossed, apparently.
Most fascinatingly, when Jobs found out who his biological father was, he refused to meet him, and rejected a number of entreaties from Jandali, because he never forgave him for abandoning his mother and sister many years before. (Which is totally not like Star Wars; Luke forgives Darth Vader in the end.) This from the man who initially abandoned his own out-of-wedlock daughter, Lisa Brennan-Jobs, and went to considerable lengths to demonstrate that he couldn’t possibly be her father, because he was infertile, until DNA tests proved otherwise. Eventually, they reconciled and she came to live with Jobs and his wife and their three children.
After the segment ended, Harry went back downstairs to his various Apple devices and I remained in the kitchen with Rose. She was playing with “Word Wizard,” a spelling app on my iPad. Jobs’s legacy was all around the house, in the form of his ingenious inventions, but I hoped it wasn’t in Rose’s heart. Somewhere out there she has a biological father who abandoned her mother before Rose was born, and one day, unlike Steve, I hope she will want to meet him. Who knows—she may even use an Apple device to track him down.
Slide Show: Our complete coverage of Steve Jobs.
Photograph of Steve Jobs by David Paul Morris/Bloomberg via Getty Images. Photograph of Mona Simpson by Gasper Tringale via U.C.L.A.
6 comments |
Sorry, KKEMERAIT, but tough as it is, the rights of people who give up children trump the rights of the children given up. I used to be for open adoption until a woman friend was 'visited' on Thanksgiving Day by a son she gave up while in college. She had never let her family know. She certainly did not tell the husband and children she went on to have. For this creature to have presumed his 'rights' were a trump card was the height of hubris. I recall to this day her saying she wished she'd aborted the pregnancy. Life is unfair. Adoptees should take a moment to consider this elementary fact and be glad for what they were given by people who did not have to give it to them at all.
Posted 10/25/2011, 6:06:47pm by Clodius
Steve Jobs was running away from his ethnicity, religious background or ancestry of being an Arab. And that was way before the phenomenon of Islamophobia in the US media and anti-Arab diatribes that is so pervasive today. I guess one could say he was such a visionary on that issue. His words: "I didn't like what I learned". He did reconcile with his mother,who gave him up for adoption without the knowledge or consent of the father and why the disdain of his biological father then?; yes, he does not like being an Arab. Period.
Posted 10/25/2011, 5:00:37pm by Bombones
Mona Simpson is a very gifted author. I hope she will write about this with her usual gentle touch. I've read thousands of books and 'Anywhere but Here' is still in the top ten for me.
Posted 10/25/2011, 3:00:01pm by aliska1
I was adopted 44 years ago, and was "found" when I was 19 years old. I have my own perspective and views, but have come to understand that everyone is very different in their needs around this. We all have different experiences that shape our very different feelings and perspectives on being adopted. The behavior of Steve's that you mention in your article only highlights to me some of what he might have struggled with around this very difficult issue that touches at the core of identity and the sense of self. I believe from what I've read, that Steve reconciled with people, which to me was a sign that he'd found peace and acceptance.
Posted 10/24/2011, 9:44:51pm by CC67
I was given up for adoption 57 years ago, and while Steve may have had the resources to locate his biological parents, I can promise you it's difficult to live your life and not know if you have brothers or sisters, not knowing your ethnic, medical, religious or any other indicators of who you are. It seems absurd to me, to protect the right to anonymity for adults who put children up for adoption over the rights of the child, when grown, to know who he or she is. Just my thoughts, guess I'll never know.
Posted 10/24/2011, 7:54:21pm by kkemerait
I gave up a son for adoption, found him in his 20s; gave birth to 2 more sons, adopted two daughters, one of whom eventually had a child in high school and we arranged an open adoption, her choice. Everyone knows everyone. Except for my daughters, born in Asia -- they cannot know their birth parents, for which I am so sorry. I am a writer, thought of writing about all this, but decided against it. This I know: we have vastly underestimated the power of adopting and being adopted in people's lives.
Posted 10/24/2011, 6:25:50pm by InTranslation
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